To my teenager

11:55 PM

I write this with a bit of sadness. It's almost midnight and I'm alone because you are already in your dorm and Daddy's at work. It's during times like this that I get melancholic and think about the times that have gone by.

Last year, when you turned thirteen and started living away from us during the school days, I struggled with identity crisis. I felt that I did not know myself anymore. It's hard to accept that you need less of me because you've grown up. It's hard to adjust because I was used to caring for you and Daddy. You were my bosses. I served and cared for you both ever since fate willed us to become a family. So, I guess, it was natural to feel lost.

I did not blog for a long time. I felt I wasn't the right fit for the blog anymore. How can I be the 24-hour mommy I knew I once was when I'm not caring for a child anymore? What's there to write when you're so far away? What's there to share when I have more alone time now. Funny, when you were little and always tagging along, I would pray to the heavens to give me at least 5 minutes of alone time. Now, I'll take all those prayers back and wish for at least 5 minutes of hugs from you.

I miss you so bad my teddy bear. But God is slowly taking my sadness away. I know that's why I get all these responsibilities for our prayer community so I can begin to miss you less. I know that's the reason why I got this business in the province so I can start to reinvent myself. And there's also Daddy to kiss my blues away.

Still, Anak, I pray that you miss me and text me even just once in a while. Reserve some of your thoughts for me so we can talk about it over the weekend that you're home. Play the piano for me again and I promise I'll learn your band's repertoire so I can sing along. I'll be in my best behavior and resist the urge to squeeze your cheeks.

I love you. Even when you think I don't. To the moon and back.

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  1. I guess it happens to everyone when we experience writer's block, especially if we have day jobs or other things that keep us busy. :D

  2. I went through a similar period when I lost my father. Nothing could get me out of that funky feeling. Time eventually healed the wounds.

  3. I have a full time job for 6 months now and my number one enemy is not procrastination anymore, it's either not having time to write or I'm too tired to think.

    I'm sorry for your lost.

  4. Almost every blogger do go through such hard times I think..but good to know you're finally back again.

  5. I am sorry for your loss. I definitely am. and yeyyyy...welcome back!

  6. Rochkirstin SantosOctober 8, 2014 at 3:11 PM

    It's really great to provide service to the church. At one point in my life, I have also thought of doing that and breaking off from my professional career. Being a photographer for them really counts. I'm happy for you.

  7. Condolence on losing your Dad. It's good to take a break from blogging from time to time since we really need to spend more time with our offline life.

  8. And as the Bible say, the Lord will always provide. :)
    Sometimes I also feel like not writing anything at all. However, I cant help but to keep enticed with the food events! lol.

  9. you have been through so much with the loss of your father, must be the reason why your muse flew off to a faraway land. but, yes, it is just a phase, and know that your dad is so much happier now to see that you are getting back on track! we missed you here + we are glad that you're finally back, i would love to read all about your bicol adventure! :)

  10. Sorry to hear about your loss. It's great that your active in church, this way you can reflect on your life and you're being close to God.

  11. I am so glad you're blogging again, Mauie! Welcome Back. We missed you in the blogosphere. I can't wait to read about your adventures these past few months.


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